The sound of silence

Photo courtesy of Unsplash

I have been watching with interest the response to my survey and article on ‘Is Covid19 driving men to the supermarket’ and its conclusion that women are taking on even more of the housework, shopping and childcare, on top of the lion’s share of the burden they were carrying before.

It’s not the response I would have expected.

I have been waiting for women to unleash, relieved that this has been noticed and highlighted, seizing the opportunity to shout ‘yes, me too!’ and to join the discussion and add their personal experiences. I have been hoping for women to use this opportunity as a catalyst for change and for men to have an epiphany, to recognize themselves and to step up.

I have, in fact, seen virtually none of this. Most of the responses have been men sharing that they are doing at least 50% of the work (I happen to know this is true in at least some of those cases), or women sharing how lucky they are to have chosen a man who does his share (they are). The article has received thousands of views and many, many likes - but only a couple of women (yes, 2) have actually commented to say that they are indeed experiencing this and express their discontent.

Beyond this, silence. There have been the expected angry comments from men that have not been visible to me and that none have dared to share these on the post. What surprises me is not this silent aggression, but the silence from women. Offline they tell me their stories of making lunch and dinner every day, spending hours home schooling, almost setting up office in the laundry room, opening up the laptop to work after dinner and being lucky to get a few hours rest. But online, silence. Why don’t you share this?, I ask? Because I don’t want to be seen as a moaning and whining victim, they say.

What a brilliant strategy our society has developed to stop us moving forwards on gender equality - we hold women back, keep them down, keep them busy and keep them quiet by making them feel bad when they speak.