The Gender War must end

Wars are always about the same thing. Two sides. One side wants control of something, or to take it back, or not lose it. The other side isn’t willing to give up on what they have a right to. They are angry and they want justice - so they don’t just want to restore balance, they want more than that, they want the other side to suffer - they want revenge.

And as long as each side is in this entrenched mode the war cannot end. Because wars only truly end when both sides discuss, listen and understand the other perspective. When each side sees that the answer is not I win and you lose, or that if I don’t win then I must lose. When there is willingness to give, not just take, for an end state of fairness and balance.

The Gender War is no different. And, let’s be clear, we are absolutely in a Gender War. 

We have men holding over 90% of the leadership of the world and making or influencing all the key decisions that are made in every room, in every country. As a result, women are not represented and are ruled over and controlled by men (depending on the country - how to dress, what age to marry, access to education, decision power over her body).

Women are, understandably angry and unwilling to accept this inequality and control. They have worked tirelessly for rightful representation in society and in the workplace. But even though they have got nowhere near achieving it, many men perceive that they have. That women are everywhere. That we have equality now. Often that they are missing out on opportunities and jobs because women are more likely to get them.

This perception is way off reality. Men still dominate governments, Boards, leadership teams. Women are still underrepresented and angry. 

And some go too far and wish for the pendulum to swing to women ruling the world. There is a very unhelpful narrative (thanks again Barbie film, I think you all know how I felt about that…) that women are superior to men and that the world would be a better place if the matriarchy replaced the patriarchy. Which is, firstly, not true (we would simply replace one world without diversity & representation in its leadership with another) and, secondly, frankly stupid and irresponsible. How do we expect men to respond to the concept of women wanting to switch from the current male dominant extreme to a female dominant one? How can we expect them not to fear that feminism has gone too far? How can we expect them not to entrench and protect territory? And can we really be surprised that a few bad men are opportunistically leaping on this to drive their own misogynistic agenda?

The answer to war is never the extreme solution and this one is no different. This is not a war for women. This is not a war against men. This is a battle for Equality, which is by definition not for the supremacy or dominance of any. We need men and women discussing together, listening to each other. We need men and women to move together towards equality, with no fear of loss of dominance because what it will be replaced by is a beautiful balance that benefits everyone.

So please let’s stop the women only and men only discussions and networks. Let’s stop the narrative about one gender being superior at this, that or the other. Let’s stop fuelling the (ridiculously far from reality) perception that women are taking over the world - or should. Let’s stop all the Men vs Women conversations.

Let’s end the Gender War. Let’s bring the pendulum to the middle, to Gender Equality - together.