Dear Celia…
I wasn’t actually feeling very ranty this month until I saw Celia Walden’s statement in her article for the Telegraph on men’s paternity leave being ridiculous. Firstly, it’s possibly one of the most sexist things I’ve ever heard. Secondly, it’s yet another example of creating seriously unhelpful barriers and battled between women and men.
What is wrong with these people? Are there not enough wars and disputes in the world for them? Is there not enough Them vs Us? Do they really want a Gender War as well (and, by the way, to perpetuate the key underlying biases that are the foundation of the persistent gender inequality in society?)
Celia asks what men are actually going to be doing on their paternity leave. Well let’s dignify the ignorant dinosaur question with a response.
Yes, pregnancy, delivery and (for some) breastfeeding are the domain of women. Beyond this, every aspect of baby and child care is entirely gender neutral. As is every job that needs doing to run the home for the baby/child/family. That we see all of these things as Mum/woman jobs is the core of the gender equality issue. Newsflash: Men can do them too (they are just as predisposed to and capable of them).
There are huge benefits from men taking extended paternity leave. Obviously for their relationship with their child, but also for their relationship with their partner. They learn an appreciation for what it takes to care for a little person and a home that they carry with them through their lives. And they remain 50:50 partners at home way beyond their paternity leave.
This is very good for them (a healthy, happy family life is the foundation of mental health and well-being). It is also very good for gender equality in the workplace: if parental leave is gender neutralized and relationships are 50:50 at home, many of the gender inequality issues at work go away. A man of child-producing age may need to disappear for months just as a woman may. He may equally need flexible work location and hour options. And thus we magically wipe away a ton of woman vs man biases in the workplace.
So, Dear Celia, men on paternity leave will be doing exactly what women on maternity leave do. And if we’re ever going to see gender equality in the workplace we really, really need them to do it. Which they won’t do if paternity leave is not taken seriously. So we really, really, really need people like you to keep dinosaur views like this to yourself.